%ISOlat1; %ISOlat2; %ISOnum; %ISOpub; ]> The HAPPY RETURN. / OF THE / Old DUTCH-MILLER. University of California - Santa Barbara The Early Modern Center English Broadside Ballad Archive (EBBA) Director Patricia Fumerton Associate Director Carl G Stahmer 1683-1683 Early Modern Center, University of California Santa Barbara Santa Barbara, CA 10/10/2018 36164

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Patricia Fumerton Early Modern Center - English Department University of California Santa Barbara, CA 93105 United States of America EMail: pfumer@english.ucsb.edu

R177896 1 the First Packington's Pound The First GOod People of England, I hope you have had / Experience of my Art in my Trade; Then make hast Customers, bring in your Tribes; / Il'e quickly dispatch them without any Bribes. / For I am so Zealous for Whiglanders Crew, / Il'e cure their Distempers with one Turn or Two. [with variation] Information in this section of the Source Description refers to the original ballad manuscript. : The HAPPY RETURN. / OF THE / Old DUTCH-MILLER. The HAPPY RETURN OF THE Old DUTCH MILLER. 1683-1683 Allen Banks

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 Early Modern Center Ballad Project Keyword Taxonomy advice affliction / health alcohol Americas animals / nature Bible / biblical figures buildings / architecture catastrophe children class clothing / appearance country / nation crime death economics / commerce entertainments family Featured folklore gender holidays / seasons infidelity labor / craft law London love maritime marriage military / war monstrosity mythology / Classical news nobility / court politics / government procreation punishment race / ethnicity religious concepts religious figures religious groups royalty rural life servitude sex / sexuality supernatural / magic travel trickery / deceit urban life vice violence virtue vulgar humor youth / age Library of Congress Subject Heading Taxonomy 10/10/2018 Santa Barbara, California, United States of America labor / craft sex / sexuality vulgar humor Ballads, English 17th century Broadsides, England 17th century 10/10/2018 4:10:48 PM XBallad Sintura, Maria Created XML Version of Ballad 10/10/2018 4:10:48 PM Transcription Supervisor McCants, Kristen Transcription of ballad manuscript 10/10/2018 4:10:48 PM Double-Key Comparison and Merging Levinson-Emley, Rachel Transcription of ballad manuscript 10/10/2018 4:10:48 PM Transcriptionist Two Collins, Monica Transcription of ballad manuscript 10/10/2018 4:10:48 PM Transcriptionist One Clark, Bailey Transcription of ballad manuscript 8/14/2018 Checker Minh Hua Edited Ballad Catalogue Record 12/1/2016 Bibliographer Kristen McCants Initial Ballad Catalogue Record Created 12/1/2016 Checker Kristen McCants Edited Ballad Catalogue Record 12/1/2016 Checker Kristen McCants Edited Ballad Catalogue Record
<seg n="1" rend="left"><hi rend="italic">The HAPPY RETURN.</hi></seg> <seg n="2" rend="left"><hi rend="italic">OF THE</hi></seg> <seg n="3" rend="left"><hi rend="italic">Old DUTCH-MILLER.</hi></seg> <lb/> <seg n="4" rend="left"><hi rend="italic"><hi rend="bold">To the Tune of the First.</hi></hi></seg>
[1] GOod People of England, I hope you have had Experience of my Art in my Trade; For I am the Miller that was here before, That grownd Women young, of four or five score. Then make hast Customers, bring in your Tribes; Il'e quickly dispatch them without any Bribes. For I am so Zealous for Whiglanders Crew, Il'e cure their Distempers with one Turn or Two. [2) And now (for your comfort) I am come again, To cure the defection amongst all your Men; Whether they be Factious, Stupid or Lame; Let's see er'e a Chymist that can do the same. Then make hast Customers, etc. [3] If you have e're a City that's troubl'd with Simples; That's over-rich grown, and has Rebellious pimples Il'e strip it of all these defects in an hour, And make it submit to the King or the Tower. Then come away Customers. etc. [4] If you have an Old Criple that sits and designs, Which way to destroy the King and His Vines; Or if that his Tap stand in the wrong place, And piss above Navel, I'l cure his Disease. Then come away Customers, etc. [5] In my Mill I will put him, 'twixt two Sainted Whores, Who shall raise his Rudder with help of their Oars: Between their warm Bellies, like Pug he shall lie, Till they suck out his Senses, and leave his Tap dry. Then come away Customers, etc. [6] Then out of Stew I'l hang him o'th' Top Of one of my Sails, at the end of a Rope: There in the wind he shall swing up and down, Till he caper and grin with th' best Monkey in Town. Then make hast Customers, etc. [7] If you have e're a Fop that's proud of a String, And fain would aspire to the Throne of a King: Bring him to my Mill, I will presently shew If he's qualified for a Mnonarch, or no. Then make hast Customers, etc. [8] If you have e're a Lord that's Pimp to his Wife, And to hide his Horns would venture his Life: Send her to my Mill. I'l venture a Tryal, To make Her as Honest as e're He was Loyal. Then make hast Customers, etc.
[9] If you have e're a Slabbering Lord that's a Fool, And sits in Cabals, a Kingdom to Rule, And stands for a States-man, I'l make him as able As ever a Helper in all his own Stable. Then make hast Customers, etc. [10] If you have e're a Lord that used to Preach I'th' Top of a Crab-Tree, above all your reach, And still the Lords Super expos'd in Lambs-wool: Send him to my Mill, I'le Reform his Skull: Then make hast Customers, etc. [11] If you have e're a Knight that's Knave and Thred-bare, That deals in Neck-Laces, and such kind of Ware: And stole the best Plot, now hides in Bristol: Bring him to my Mill, I'le make him confess't all. Then make hast Customers, etc. [12] If you have, or had, any Sheriffs that are Whigs, That have cut off some Heads, and are cutting of Legs Bring them, and their Perjur'd Juries together, I'l turn'm all round in my Mill with the Weather. Then make hast Customers, etc. [13] If you have e're a Doctor that has ne'r a Mouth, But Hole in the place for a Nose, North and South: Put him in my Mill, I shall make him speak Sense Behind and before, like a Quaker in Trance. Then make hast Customers, etc. [14] If He has been Perjur'd Ten Thousand times o're, And for want of Imployment begins to grow Poor; I'le make him as Rich (if he know his own Name) As when he came mumping from Flanders or Spain. Then make hast Customers, etc. [15] if Forty Religions he dares to Believe, And yet Preacheth Blasphemy, Fools to deceive: Put him in my Mill, with more of the Grist, I'le mak him a Devil, a Man, or a Beast. Then make hast Customers, etc. [16] If you have any Plots, either Sham Ones or True Ones, Bring out the Contrivers, both black ones & blew ones: I'le either Refine 'em from all their past Ill, Or else I will strangle them All in my MILL. Then make hast Customers, bring in your Tribes, I'le quickly dispatch them without any Bribes, For I am so Zealous for Whiglanders Crew, I'le cure their Distempers with One Turn or Two.
Printed for Allen Banks, MDCLXXXIII.